August 7th, 2004
IPIGs. You know who they are?
An IPIG is my own acronym for Interpersonal Information Gatherer. Maybe you know these people (men, mostly) already. They are the folks who like to get as much information out of you as they can. There is a certain amount of abusiveness and assholery attached to IPIGs.
Now, I'm not talking about fraudulent or otherwise dishonest people, I'm talking about those people that are pursuing that little emotional kick one gets from amassing information--however small and trivial--about someone else. Situations involving IPIGs are so commonplace, that I hardly have to think to come up with situations:
A friend called me and asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. I said I'd already eaten. He wanted to know what, where and how much! I got flustered and barked at him, "What's the %$@-ing difference where I ate and what I paid?!?!"
Or once when I was getting onto an airplane, I couldn't find the row numbers (usually they are on the light-and-air thing that hangs down from the ceiling but not on this plane). There was another air passenger standing there, and I thought I'd ask him how to identify the row number. Instead of just answering my question (even if the answer is an honest, "I don't know") he asked to see my ticket, then said, vaguely, "back there ..." waving behind him. IPIG.
I was looking for a picture framing place, and went to an address I got off the Internet. There was a cafe at the approximate location, but there was no address on the door or window. So I went in and asked if I had the right address. The man behind the counter asked me what I was looking for. IPIG!!! He could have answered my question, but instead he turned it around so that I would answer his question.
Look, in case you don't know, there is an interpersonal trick that the sub-gifted learn eventually in their lives that goes like this: If you can get people to answer your questions, you have made them subjugate themselves to you. This crap is so transparent to me--it was obvious to me when I was a child--and I have always declined from doing it because I have a sense of decency; I give people an interpersonal break about it. This is not just because of altruism, it is also to prevent the inevitable power struggle that follows. Because the average person may not know how the mind-fuck started, but he or she can't help but notice it is happening.
People like me, people who aren't into wasting time and energy being IPIGgish with others, inevitably get eaten alive for the first decade or so of our adult lives. We end up having prickish little attitudes slapping us silly, and tin-pot managerial types constantly all over us like cheap suits extracting, extorting, and extrapolating information from us. And it takes a long time to develop the savvy to a) realise that this is what people are doing, and b) come up with a defence against it.
Here are some of the more obvious techniques one can apply, though it is more an art than a method:
If someone asks you the simple, "Why ... ?" you can always ask, "Well, why not?" The balance may come back.
If you ask a question, and get another question back, pick the most uncomplimentary (to them) answer and assume it. This requires examples:
Example 1
"Do you sell wireless adapter kits?"
"What are you trying to do?"
"I'll take that as a 'no.' Good day."
In this example, the salesman is interested in what you want to do almost definitely so that he can sell you something better and more expensive. And if you answer his question, he's going to try to pound it into your brain that you need a full home network with gateway server, etc. So don't give him that change. If he won't answer your question, then he's not interested in serving your needs; he only wants as much of your money as possible.
Example 2
"I'm looking for Adanac Street."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Oh, you don't know." [Or, better: Just walk away.]
Why do people think that if they are being appealed to for a direction or another of those tiny favours that it gives them the right to gather information? Anyhow, this last one will piss people off, so be prepared to take some verbal abuse. The more abuse you receive, the more correct your instincts about that person were.
Sometimes it is easiest to just ignore the person asking all the questions. This works especially well in those situations where there is more than one person there. Just direct your attention to the non-IPIG, and ignore the IPIG. They have short attention spans and will eventually walk away, either in disgust or snorting derisively at you. Again, the more they snort, the more accurate your instincts were.
You can also try to deflect things back down to Earth.
Example 1
"Where'd you get such an ugly coffee mug?"
"Is it preventing you from doing your job?"
If they answer "yes"--and some people will out of pure contrariness--then you have caught them up in pure silliness. You can laugh, turning what they say into a joke, and they will have to laugh along with you. Or you can look at them as though they have lost their marbles, making them burn a little inside (not recommended, since they'll come back bigger and more vicious some other time).
Example 2
"How much is this car?"
"How much would you like to pay?"
"Does that mean you don't know?"
When all else fails, there is a fall-back question you can use. It is not the best solution, but it at least tells them you know what they are up to. When they start asking questions that aren't any of their business, just ask back, "Why do you ask?" It will usually set them back a pace or so.
Example
"Where'd you get such an ugly coffee mug?"
"Why do you ask?"
In the end, though, you can never win against IPIGs. Self-interested defence is always considered rudeness by them. Sometimes you can't even push the IPIGs back, no matter what you do.
Such is life ...
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NB: If you haven't already, would you mind taking my totally-100%-anonymous-you-lose-nothing-but-4-minutes-of-your-time survey?