May 20th, 2005

Those who regularly read my rants will know that I am a man of words.

Many words.

Perhaps too many words.

Well, I can't think of anything pithy to say to that ... perhaps it's true, perhaps not—but I am at least willing to admit that if we have already launched into action, then it is my expectation that a lot of words have been exchanged already. From that fact one might surmise that, since I dole out so bloody many words, I place somewhat of a lesser value on each of them. But that is not the case; in fact, the opposite may be true: I value words even more now than at any other time in my life.

So when I go spewing reams of un-thought-out words, or if I squander my vocabulary on what a former -er- friend called, Meta-messages, then I come away feeling like a small child surprised, alarmed, embarrassed, even depressed that he has so quickly spent all his money with nothing tangible to account for it.

Such is my mood tonight as I sit here at the coffee shop (once again stealing someone's bandwidth). I feel like I wasted words. Or worse: Hurt myself and the people around me with words. Bleah.

Good grief, what was I thinking?

You know how it all started? Some chowderhead whose bicycle shares the bicycle room with mine didn't, apparently, like the fact that my bicycle was hung on the hook in the middle. He (I presume) felt that I was being piggish and stepping out of my normal boundaries for taking advantage of the Prime Spot in the bicycle room. So I found my bicycle tossed into a corner and one of my tires punctured quite neatly with something sharp and flat, I deduce a small knife. (See? my CSI-watching knowledge has finally come in handy!)

Well, this put me into a particularly -er- masculine and -er- dissociated mood.

You know, it isn't so much that I lost a bike tire in the incident; I had it replaced within the hour. The problem isn't even that someone wrecked it out of their own bizarre sense of injury or dissociation or anger or whatever they were feeling.

What burned me about it was that in such a quick single stroke, my whole outlook on life could be altered so dramatically. It suddenly painted me into a corner where I loved and respected nobody and nothing in this world.

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