April 19th, 2006
If we don't protect freedom of speech, how will we know who the assholes are?
- Louis Neprud (quoted in The Onion)* * *
You wish that I was not here.
- Me* * *
I once watched a TV show on PBS discussing human violence. It was a bright upbeat BBC show which made soccer hooliganism look like a quaint eccentricity, and World War II a rather nasty piece of business, certainly, but a necessary one, old chap: It keeps us living together peacefully the rest of the time, don't you know?
Then, a couple of weeks later, I watched another show about aggression (of the human variety) on that low-budget mish-mash of sometimes-dreadful, sometimes-fantastic shows on the Knowledge Network. In that show, it discussed how we humans were predatory, incapable of empathy, violent, and ready to motivate ourselves to violence and deadly force at the drop of a hat.
Hmm ... which is it? (At least at the time I wondered such a question.)
But since then I have formed my own opinion, which is not an either/or situation set up by those two TV shows: There is a lot of fiction and non-fiction exposé out there that tries hard to make the point that all humans, whether we like to admit it or not, can be motivated to violence—to the ultimate violence of killing others, in fact—if we are exposed to the right set of circumstances. The message is this: We may feel we are settled, sensible, safe, certain in our sound security ... but push the right buttons in our mind and we are reduced to raving inarticulate killers.
Well, I disagree.
I definitely think that some people have a "killer" line that you can push them across, but it only means the impulse is there and always has been. It doesn't mean that you have socially engineered them out of peaceful, kind, loving people into murderous monsters ... it means that the monster lurks in them always, and you just found the key to the cage.
And, further to that, I believe that there are people who, when the chips are really down, will just sit down in the mud and wait for the crisis to pass, or death (whichever comes first). And, still further, I am not convinced that this "caged killer" translates to a "survival instinct" at all. Consider this: Fighters have shorter life expectancies. (Live by the sword, die by the sword, etc.) And although fighters necessarily convince themselves that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", the truth is that constant abuse to the body, mind, and soul leaves debilitating scars. The more you wrestle in the mud with the pigs, the more toxic mud you ingest.
Then what am I saying? "Walk softly and carry a big stick?" or "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth?"
Well ... neither, actually. If you are one of those "hidden killer" types ready to grab your anti-theft device in a traffic jam and start swinging in road rage, and you try to walk softly, you are just a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Conversely, if you are not interested in swinging fisticuffs ever but decide to start carrying a stick around anyway "just to be safe", you are doomed to be attacked by all those with comparable-sized sticks. (Sticks just attract sticks.) But I definitely don't believe that the meek, naturally so or otherwise, will inherit anything but grief as the world stomps on their toes as it marches by.
So what, then?
Well, it's a tricky skill to have—especially since we aren't taught it when we are young—but there really is a way to live that renders the whole question of human violence (and how quickly we are incited to it) moot. Oh, and I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here about it: I've got my own little set of "road ragey" issues too. (Who doesn't? You? I don't believe you; prove it.)
Ya wanna live an easier life, one just as dangerous and frustrating, but somehow more satisfying and a whole lot more genuine? It all starts with exercising a muscle we aren't taught to stretch and build up: The honesty-to-self muscle. I swear this is true, I kid you not. It only sounds trite and ineffectual. All that psychoanalysis and personal coaching, all that soul-searching—artistic, career-wise, through family, through friends—all the contemplation and counseling ... it only works if you have the right strength to be honest and admit things to yourself. And it's all a meaningless waste if you are not able to look at yourself and honestly assess where your soft spots are.
Once you have the ability to make that honest self-assessment, it doesn't really matter which method you use to make yourself better and more bullet-proof. Choose your poison.
OK, so how is it that we don't do this naturally? Well, it's a life-skill, see? We are taught to speak and write, we are taught to play nice with the other kids (hopefully!), but this one is missed because parents are afraid to honestly self-assess themselves in front of their kids. Kids delight in exposing weaknesses of their parents, and parents do their best to hide their bruises. And by doing so, parents inadvertently teach their children to hide their weaknesses from themselves and from others.
And you know the only people they are fooling, don't you?
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