March 12th, 2008

My CD is released! It's professional-looking and decent-sounding!

This is the official web page about it.

cdcover

buybuybuy

So it's time I talked about it.

I've been talking on and off for the past 4 (four!!!) years about the CD that Ken and I have been working on. The driving force behind it was me primarily, I'll admit ... and though it may make me sound like a braggart, it only exists because of me and my constant push to make it happen. The truth is, I hate that: I would have preferred more "buy-in" and commitment from others. My sister Jennifer sometimes made half-hearted sounds about helping, but it was hard for her to just jump in and do something, since she is a better musician than I am, and because she is a completely different musician than I am. Ken drummed and played guitar, even offered solutions for lyrical and musical problems I had from time to time and I am grateful ... but I wished we had been able to do some of his songs.

And there was, of course, nobody particularly interested in the music itself. Friends didn't want to hear the songs, or hear about the songs ... family was luke warm in their response.

With one huge exception: My wife was absolutely fantastic in her support and enjoyment of the music. She really truly loves the songs and believes in them and me as a musician. She is the only person, besides Ken, who deserves thanks ... and the thanks she deserves is enormous. She really was that amazingly helpful.

So, with only my own drive and my wife's amazing enthusiasm, I forged ahead and made the CD. It suffers from being almost a one-man show: Ideas are all pretty much just mine—including the ideas for artwork on the cover, and lyrics, music itself ... ah, I get a little embarrassed just thinking how it eventually just turned into me pushing all the rocks uphill. I wanted collaboration ... I wanted that energy that comes from artistic competition and expression ... even from artistic differences. Instead it turned into Brian's Basement Tapes, and it saddens me and makes me feel lonely not to have anyone to share the creative limelight with. Nobody really wanted to help—I had to push Ken, and nobody else would even let themselves be pushed—and it makes me feel like a pretender ... an outsider to music ... someone off in his own little corner orthogonally toiling away on his own little home project.

Anyhow, I meant to announce the CD today and instead came up with this giant complaint that nobody except my wife likes me and my music (though she loves both!) I'm not sure how it ended up that way, but it really is a true reflection of how I feel.

There is, however, a second bright light: Amazingly, there is a tiny trickle of people buying the CDs. After the near-complete lack of interest from anyone helping me, there is at least one or two people interested in the finished product itself. (And "one or two" is a fairly accurate description of the numbers.) I realise that I will never sell enough to even recoup my losses, but that somehow doesn't matter much when I think that some people are actually buying it commercially!

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