April 14^th, 2008

All this legislated physical health ... how come nobody legislates mental health?

Anyhow, there's this new Vancouver smoking bylaw that went into effect at the beginning of this month. Here are some of the lowlights:

• No smoking within 6 metres of doorways—in public, that is, which would put most smokers into the middle of streets where they would interfere with traffic until they were squished flat enough to allow smooth speed-bump-free passage of busses, cars, and trucks.

• No smoking outside in coffee shops and pub patios because, God knows, we should be able to get buzzed on caffeine and stoned on alcohol without annoying smoky distractions.

• No smoking in taxis, even if everyone wanted it. It's just as well: Smokers are so seriously taxed on their ciggies already that they can only afford the bus or walking now anyhow.

I'm not a smoker, by the way (though I used to be), and good grief am I glad of it: Smokers are walking targets of all kinds of legislative and social abuse. I guess everyone needs someone to dump on, and smokers are it right now. Second class citizens, and the abusive among the non-smokers seem to think that's quite all right. As I said, good mental health is not legislated, so people are perfectly allowed—encouraged, in fact—to go around dehumanizing smokers into non-people, and then slapping higher and more punitive measures on them as though they were criminals.

And here's a new little piece of crap that some moron thought up: Smoking should be banned on balconies, too, since (the argument goes) they are probably included in that "public area" definition. The intolerance is astounding: "I can smell it, therefore I have a right to stop it." The self-asserted (but scientifically un-proven) second-hand smoke myth.

Anyhow, regardless, there's definitely going to be some confusion about smoking on balconies based on who "owns" them. In my strata complex (and I know this because I am on the council and we were just discussing it last month), the balconies are not strictly owned by the people who own the condos they are attached to. That means that the building pays for structural maintenance and upkeep. Though owners must maintain them and keep them clean.

But the building has limited powers in controlling what can and can't be put on the balconies, e.g., the council could not decree that hyacinths are forbidden—such a decree would have to go to a General Meeting for voting by all condo owners. But the council can say barbeques are too dangerous and cannot be lit on balconies (though you are perfectly welcome to keep one out there, sans gas!)

In the first case, what if people start complaining that the smell of hyacinths is an annoyance—or exacerbates their allergies—and that the city or municipality must order the owners to remove them or face fines and/or flower removal?

* * *

Another thing: What's to stop me from standing .001 inches inside my open balcony door and smoking and blowing the smoke outside? I'm inside my own condo, but I am making as much smoke as I would if I were outside on the balcony. Would the city next come by and inspect my doors for how well they act as a barrier to smoke? Then fine me $200 for not closing the windows all the way when I smoked inside?

It's plain silliness. And it's also just not enforceable. Besides, are the police really going to respond to someone's complaints of cigarette smoke coming from someone's balcony? (Well, if there is a fine attached, then it will become a profit centre, so maybe the answer is "yes" after all.)

Also, if you are a tenant and your landlord tells you not to smoke on the balcony, then it's time to move: You are SOL; everyone knows that landlords and tenants have well-entrenched advocacy groups ready to go to war for you. It's better to just avoid the mess.

* * *

I don't know where this is going, but a friend of mine makes a good point about it all:

If balcony and patio smoking are banned in bars and apartment buildings, then private home balconies and patios may be next. Effectively, smoking will be banned completely.

Yes indeed ... and then only outlaws will smoke.

Read more rants - - Comment on this rant - Email me

---