September 12th, 2008

After moving in to our new home, we had to prioritize our lives.

Naturally, the first thing to establish was how to get pizza delivered to our door. And, as an adjunct to getting it delivered, it pays huge dividends to build an affable rapport with the delivery people ... you know, slip 'em an extra big tip the first few times until they are your best friends. Subsequent pizzas tend to arrive sooner and hotter. So I did that. Spoke nicely and softly to the deliverers, dropped an extra couple of loonies into their sweet young innocent hands. Confided in them my sincerest hopes and dreams and listened to theirs with an open heart. We laughed, we cried.

Now we're in Hot Pizza City, baby.

Less frequent, but no less important, is knowing how to get fried chicken. True, fried chicken is practically a crime against humanity for its thumb-to-its-nose insult to good health everywhere. And its leftovers sit in the fridge with nary a second-hand nibble for a few days until it needs to be banished to the dumpster for the way the smell of its rotting drives the cat mad. But it breaks the monotony of pizza in ways that tofu and rice crackers just can't. And it doesn't have to be delivered (in fact, it really probably shouldn't be), but if one can find the closest chicken place, one can live a rich fulfilled life.

Well, almost.

What happens on those nights when you just can't live without Chinese food? I mean, imagine suddenly finding yourself in a new neighborhood, hungry, tired, cold, wet, lonely, and depressed. The only thing that will raise your spirits is some sweet-n-sour pork, a couple of impossibly greasy egg-rolls, and maybe a giant aluminum foil container of shrimp fried rice from which you can extract the shrimp and pick at the rice. But you don't know where there is a close Chinese food restaurant. No delivery ... no pickup ... no almond chicken at all!

Such was the cruel fate my wife and I have been suffering for the last month. I mean, we've been able to make do with pizza, chicken, take-away from restaurants like White Spot, etc. ... but No Chinese Food!

Until today. Yes, today, our lives are back on track. Today we turn the corner and rise from our deprived misery. I received this voicemail from my wife just a few minutes ago:

Now our life is complete! We got a Chinese food brochure in the mail! We can now order and eat Chinese food like all normal people everywhere!

Well, when I listened to that I whooped and hollered.

There'll be chop suey tonight!

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