February 6^th, 2009

OK, so everyone knows—at least in theory—how to communicate. In practice, however, we all could use some brush-up practice. Speaking personally, the paradox of what constitutes good communication skills still sometimes eludes me (under stress, mostly; it's a hard time to demonstrate grace, wouldn't you agree?)

So here goes:

Open up and listen:

• open hands (no fists)
• honest intentions—listen because you want to hear, not because you are looking for something to hang your next argument off of
• sensitive ears and open mind to what nuances they pick up—this is hard, but people drop clues about why they are talking into their words. Learn to pick them up.
• no judgment, just store information
• respect that person

Express yourself responsibly

• soft words spoken sincerely
• speak quietly
• speak the truth about yourself
• admit vulnerabilities if it is appropriate (but don't doormat yourself)
• respect yourself

Or, just forget all the touchy-feely stuff above if it is too much trouble for you, and instead remember this one thing:

Good communication is a paradox: We are heard by listening.

(he shouted)

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